


Five Times Things Were Probably Not Fine and One Time They Really Were

by anemptymargin



Category: Critical Role (Web Series) RPF
Genre: First Time, Friendship/Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 01:51:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16231766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemptymargin/pseuds/anemptymargin
Summary: Five times that the fuzzy lines of their relationship were tested and everything was mostly fine, and one time they let it happen everything was pretty fucking great.





	1. Just REALLY Good Friends

**Author's Note:**

> One for the kmeme. Prompt: Prompt: Sam/Liam, firsts
> 
> Yes, this is RPF and is properly tagged as such. If you're not into that sort of thing, you are by no means obligated to read this. Please be aware this is a work of utter fiction and fantasy at that, if that's not your thing then please be off without messaging me about your disappointment in how I choose to get my jollies.

They’d always been close, seemingly from the moment they met they were drawn to each other with a powerful magnetic pull. It had been so long that neither could really imagine a life without the other in it. No matter how long they went between quiet moments together, the rare brush with intimate privacy coming sometimes months apart, when they were together it was like only minutes had passed.

It was a rare moment, one they were blessed with a little more often since taking the game public, but rarely for long, that they found themselves cuddled against each other on the sofa amidst the chaos of critter creations on the Talks Machina set. The whole idea was still new to them, fresh and completely unexpected. Why would anyone want an aftershow for their dumb D&D game? Still, there they were… just the two of them… early enough that the stage was quiet save for a PA running copy and coffee every few minutes.

Liam took up the corner of the sofa, turned slightly toward Sam with one knee bent up and the other spread wide open. Sam closed the distance between them and tucked against his side, nuzzling into Liam’s throat where they could smell the mingling of their aftershave and makeup. 

“Did you get a new shampoo?” Liam asked, leaning down to take a deep sniff at the whorl Sam fought so hard to hide. “Smells like berries.”

Sam chuckled into Liam’s chest and shook his head. “I had a hot oil treatment yesterday. It’s supposed to keep my scalp healthy, but really I just like sitting there for an hour while someone plays with my hair.” He wiggled against the solidness of Liam’s torso and made a show of sniffing loudly. “Your deodorant isn’t as fresh as it could be.”

He wanted to comment that he could always play with Sam’s hair, but the moment was gone. “You love it.” Liam murmured, finding Sam’s temple with his lips and placing a chaste kiss there. “I’m doing the baking powder thing… it doesn’t really hold up.”

“It doesn’t.” Sam confirmed. “But it’s fine.”

Liam wrapped his arm a little closer over Sam’s shoulder, holding him without a second thought. “What would I do without you checking my pit stank?”

“Doing my wifely duties.” Sam cooed dramatically, glancing up with his impish smile.

Not for the first time, Liam feelt himself blushing hot under the collar of his t-shirt. It occurred to him that really, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Sure, they joked and whatever but if he had to pick a second partner he could do far worse. No, not just that. There was more to it than that, things that people liked to hide under vague words like love. He loved his Sammy, without a doubt, but could see the blurry lines between each Grecian ideal. Philia, most definitely; the depth of their friend-love knew no bounds he’d found yet. There wasn’t anything he could think of that would be too big of an ask. Agape was tricky, the sort of love he felt for their whole friend group but also the love that spread out to those that opened their hearts and their homes to their work. No, Sammy was far deeper than simple agape. The one he felt the most connected to in the moment was pragma, the timeless love associated with marriage and compromise. “Ohhh… husband, husband…” Liam corrected as the thought flitted through his mind. “Don’t pretend I’m not your wife.”

“We could be sister-wives?” Sam offered helpfully.

“Sure.” Yeah, definitely at least a touch of pragmatic love. Ludus… well, that one was embarrassing, but the case was there in plain facts. The electric tingles when they were in a scene, the times when everyone else and the thousands of viewers at home didn’t exist, the way Sam teased - and he teased right back - regardless of how many eyes were on them all spoke to the presence of deep ludus. Playful, but potentially not platonic love. They were deep enough in that to know nobody could see their love as entirely platonic on close scrutiny.

Sam shifted against him and rested a palm on Liam’s belly, giving a playful squish before just leaving it there. “You’re in your own head again.”

“It’s nothing.” Liam wasn’t really lying. The nice part of their love was that there was no rush to define it, nobody breathing down their necks to plot it out on some demented scatter chart. They were simply allowed to breathe and be with the occasional sidelong glance and rumors that yes, they were both very aware of and cared very little about.

Eros, now that was the one Liam didn’t want to think about. Eros meant something entirely off road from their long standing circumstance. Not that there weren’t erotically charged moments, at least ones he’d read as such without the ability to see into Sam’s brain or the balls to ask outright, he just didn’t like to dwell on those. At times, Liam could acutely visualize losing control and acting on those easily avoided impulses that made him respond in a not entirely friend-like way. There was kissing Sam as a joke because it made everyone else weird and made Sam blush like crazy, and then there was the sort of kissing he confessed to his partner in the small hours of the morning because the guilt weighed on him as bad as if he’d done the act.

“If you want to, we can talk about it.” She had said with such grace and confidence. “I’m not mad, honey, I understand.” Of course she did, she wasn’t blind and knew him better than maybe even Sam. Her understanding made it even harder to push that old fucker eros back into the locked box of  _ things we don’t talk about _ . The knowledge that she’d be okay if it went there haunted him, it was one less excuse to not explore options.

“Aww, my favorite couple.” Brian’s voice called across the soundstage, drawing Liam out of his wandering thoughts. Liam hadn’t noticed that Sam’s hand was rubbing slow circles in the questionable area between Liam’s navel and belt before. It didn’t stop when they were no longer more-or-less alone. “Don’t tell Laura I said that.”

“Your secret’s safe if ours is.” Sam stage whispered.

“Yep.” Liam forced a smile that quickly faded to a real smirk. “My husband’s far too important to deal with the publicity.”

Sam laughed and patted his belly, then shifted his palm to the somehow  _ less _ naughty spot on the inside of Liam’s thigh. “Good call, babe. Good call.”


	2. Just Hold Me

He’d never admit it openly, but one of the few places Sam felt like he didn’t have to be “ON” was wrapped up in Liam’s arms. There was something about Liam’s unexpected strength combined with years of affection that communicated to Sam’s frenetic brain that he could just  _ be _ . It was safe and tender and a life raft when he felt adrift on the energy of the room.

The live show was over, they’d actually done it! Their first live show and people actually came and cheered and it was amazing. Sam couldn’t remember  _ any _ of it. He’d practically vibrated off the stage and made it halfway to the bar before Liam caught up behind him and swept those muscular arms around his chest and simply pulled him in tight.

“You’re ridiculous!” Liam laughed against the back of his neck and Sam felt the relaxation spreading across his back and into his arms, leaving them slightly limp and dropping down at his sides. “I can’t believe you!”

“I know!” Sam yelled only to have an equally strong hand leave his chest to cover his mouth.

“Shh… there’s still people around. You need a time out, buddy.” Liam read him like a book, always had and he hoped always would. If he kept it up he’d drop before drinks were in him. Slowly, Liam took his hand away and held him tight once more.

“I’m fine!” Sam protested weakly, a token exchange that they both knew wasn’t for their benefit. “Just a little-” He panted.

“Insane? Yes.” Liam chuckled, lips lingering on Sam’s skin and producing wild tingles of  _ something _ that only fed into his overwhelmed overcharged senses. “Come on, there’s a conference room that’s empty.”

Sam whined but let Liam’s strength hoist him and pull him toward said room. Yeah, that was the good stuff. His heels lifted off the high traffic carpeting, the toes of his shoes making static sparks until Liam dropped down on his ass, bringing Sam down on top of him. “You okay?”

Liam grunted and then let out a small groan. “Not the first time you’ve crushed my testicles with your chunky ass.” Still, he laughed and Sam couldn’t help but laugh too.

“You’re such a masochist.” Sam grinned, wiggling purposefully back against the zipper he could feel pressed tight against him. “You like this, babe? Little bit of bump and grind?”

“No more bumping.” Liam groaned louder and squeezed Sam’s belly until the wiggling stopped - mostly because Sam couldn’t move let alone be a brat in any physical capacity. “Less grinding, more cuddling.”

“Right. Right. I’ll save it for the hotel room.” Sam’s voice dropped to a faux coy coo. “Our animal magnetism is too pure for this convention center.”

“You…” Liam’s voice dropped to a sultry purr that Sam through was probably supposed to be his serious voice. It was hard to tell when everything felt  _ amazing _ . “You are high right now. High on life, my friend…”

“I want to dance and maybe cry.” Sam admitted, following it with a laugh that sounded a little crazed even to his own ears. “Mostly dance.”

“We’ll dance.” Liam squeezed him somehow even tighter until Sam could feel the wind being crushed out of him and his legs turning to Jello. “As soon as I’m convinced you’re not going to pass out, we’ll go dance.”

“Yea?” Sam panted, letting the warm words wrap around him like a blanket… like the comforting embrace of Liam’s arms grounding him before he could go full on manic. “Dance with me?”

“I will. I’ll even slow dance.”

“Promise?”

“It’s not a party if we can’t convince the DJ to play Usher for us.” Liam chuckled and Sam felt it rumbling against his back, a hollow soothing sound.

“No… not Usher.”

“Celine Dion?”

“Only if it’s the song from Titanic and they don’t have the Dolly version.” Words didn’t really make sense any more, but Liam seemed to be making sense of the ideas he was translating from one brain to another.

“Mmmm.” Liam’s chest rumbled again, nice and low, before he started humming the song under his breath.

“I… will always love you…” Sam forced a falsetto as best he could with his lungs being crushed by what was apparently Liam’s arms if he were a bodybuilder. Had his arms always been so veiny? He didn’t remember Liam becoming suddenly jacked like Vin Diesel.

Vin Diesel had amazing arms.

“Shh… stay with me Sammy-boy.” Liam cooed in the same calming tone. “You wanna do a little rock?”

“I wanna rock!” Sam squealed and Liam leaned into him, folding him nearly in half. “Okay, okay… no Twisted Sister. Got it.”

Liam was laughing and the crush against Sam’s ribs loosened a little. “Come on, rock with me.”

Sam didn’t have much choice in the matter, his body was putty in Liam’s arms following the gentle motion back and forth as Liam’s thighs wrapped around his hips. If anyone could ever see them like this… yeah, maybe those special rumors on certain corners of the internet would gain a lot more traction. Of course, he wasn’t complaining. His wifey was snuggling him, rocking him, trying like hell to make everything slow down a little bit.

It was working.

Liam began to hum again, a different tune that Sam couldn’t identify - probably something he made up or an old world lullabye Sam had never learned. He closed his eyes and let himself focus in on that sound, so clear as Liam’s lips grazed his ear. At some point Sam began to hum with him, following the gentle cadence blissfully unaware of Liam leaning them back against the wall further and further until Sam was grinding down against him with each side to side shift.

As the world slowed, normal sensation came back to him in slow waves. Liam’s arms were relaxing, no longer crushing but holding him down, Liam’s thighs had gone taut maybe getting tired himself it was hard to tell, and then Sam recognized a  _ very _ obvious solid length pushed down the seam of his pants.

Liam was hard… not just incidental touching or needing to pee hard, like  _ hard _ . Okay. New info, no big deal. In less wired circumstances, Sam probably wouldn’t even think about it. Things happened, he was all too aware that dicks have a mind of their own and being pinned between them with all the rubbing… and it didn’t help that it was  _ them _ rubbing.

Liam was still rocking, still grinding against him and the little sparks of energy, while faded as he came down, still definitely gave him tingles he didn’t really know how to deal with. It wasn’t the first time, but it was absolutely the first time it’d happened quite like this with such an obvious reason for the physical reaction.

“Liam?” Sam asked softly, opening his eyes to peer up and back. Liam looked so serene, his face slack, dark lashes fluttering on his cheeks. “Hey… Li-”

“Mmm?” Liam opened his eyes with a lazy sleepy slowness, the gentle rock coming to rest as his arms simply rested across Sam’s chest. “Feeling better?”

“Mmmhmm.” Sam nodded against Liam and his solidness. He really did feel more grounded and calm. Still, there was the matter at hand. “You, uh… you seem excited still.”

“Uh-uh.” Liam groaned and Sam felt his cock butt harder along his crack. “All loosey goosey.”

“Not even a little  _ excited _ ?” It was as subtle as a train, either Liam was being really unobservant or didn’t want to address the elephant dick in the room. “Like a lot a little?”

“Okay, darling…” Liam’s voice took on a tone of  _ you are so fucking crazy _ and he kissed the top of Sam’s head with a loud pop of lips. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I mean… it’s no big deal… but you’re about to dock the ship, if you know what I mean.” Sam blushed, less at feeling it and more at saying it which he took a mental note to think about later.

“Sammy?”

“You’re one good thrust from clearing two pairs of pants.”

It took a second to click and Liam’s face went dark red as he blinked rapidly behind spectacles that should be steaming up - in an anime they’d be steamed up for sure. “Oh shit. I’m sorry.” He let go and shifted his hips the mere inch away he was able to get before hitting the wall.

Sam grabbed his arms and pulled them back into place like a petulant child. “It’s fine. I get it. It happens…”

“Has a mind of its own.” Liam laughed, definitely flustered. “Gimme a minute, it’ll calm the fuck down.”

“I could give it a stern talking to.” Sam opened his mouth and wiggled his tongue lewdly. In hindsight, not his proudest moment but at least it wasn’t live on the internet.

“If you keep throwing your mouth at me like that one day I’ll take you up on it.” Liam pulled his arms away forcefully and covered his face with both hands, letting out a too-loud laugh. Oh yeah, this was high level shame.

“If you buy me a drink first I’ll feel a little less cheap.” Sam teased, feeling the familiar pull to keep pressing buttons and then shoving it back down. There was a  _ line _ with Liam, one that usually involved his cheeks being the color of a tomato before he started hammering his chest like he was dying. “Come on. It’s nothing.”

“I’m  _ so _ sorry.” Liam sighed, still hiding his face when really he shouldn’t be. “I just… we were close and I was… I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s fine!” Sam stressed even harder, turning himself over to lay out on Liam’s chest and belly - sandwiching him against the wall. “We never have to speak of the little man in a hat coming out to say hello.”

“Oh god.” Liam snorted a laugh-sob that meant he was recovering, or at least that Sam was being absurd enough to get a laugh. “You really are terrible.”

“It’s just an erection. I mean… you should be glad you get them at all at your age.”

“At my age?” Liam laughed harder, finally moving his hand enough that Sam could see the sparkle of tears and deep laugh lines across his dearest friend’s face. Part of him felt guilty for saying anything at all, for making him feel like it was something to be ashamed of when really it just felt kind of good.

Right, maybe, in that  _ we are never going to talk about this because there are things we can’t talk about _ kind of way.

“Come on.” Sam grinned, watching Liam’s mouth subconsciously mirror the obvious love on his face. “You promised me we’d go dancing.”

“Right… Celine Dion.”

“Or Dolly. Preferably Dolly.”

“Right. And drinks.”

“Lots of drinks.”

“Two drinks.”

“Call it three and you can have the right side of the bed.” Sam quirked an eyebrow, only half serious.

Liam rolled his eyes and relented. “Fine. Three. You get slutty after two, though. I’m not supposed to mention it, but I know you.”

“Yes wifey, I know.” Sam batted his eyelashes, letting himself relax again when Liam’s arms tenderly wrapped around his shoulders. “I’ll try not to flirt with too many boys.”

Above him Liam laughed and rubbed Sam’s shoulders and he knew everything was just fine. It was going to be okay.


	3. Pragma Abides

It took a second to register in the chaos, but Liam realized quickly enough that Sam was crying, his body folded over the table, hand rubbing from his face into his hair trying to look like he wasn’t coming undone over a silly game. “I’m sorry.” Sam looked at him with wet eyes and Liam could see the quiver in his lip clear as day.

“Don’t be sorry.” He muttered back, looking him in those sad eyes. “Don’t be.” It was fine. It was the story; the story that is told is the one that is meant to be told. But Sam was still hurting and in the heat of the moment it was all Liam could do not to say  _ fuck it _ to the whole thing and go to him and hold him and fuck anyone who gives a shit because  _ my Sammy is hurting _ . He remained still but mouthed: “I love you.”

He watched Sam unravel right then. Sam turned away, wiping tears and trying to hide from the camera. Laura tried to console Liam, but he focused in on the defeated slope of Sam’s shoulders as he tried to come back around, rubbing his face and pretending he wasn’t genuinely upset about having to spend a spell slot Scanlan was saving for Vax. It wasn’t about a bard wanting to keep the band together, it was very much Sam wanting to protect Liam from the inevitable fate that awaited his character.

Liam forced himself to smile, to respond to the whispers around the table, to Laura’s gentle touch holding him back. He couldn’t smile, not for real, not when something else very real but also not real was going on. It was a moment he would never forget, the moment he realized he’d been kidding himself, probably for quite some time, about the depth of his pragma love. Abiding, powerful, strong enough to make him want to pretend his heart wasn’t aching over the pain of someone he cared very deeply for over a symbolic gesture.

His eyes burned and no amount of blinking could hold back the wetness clinging to his eyelashes, but maybe it could fool the camera into looking like his expression was less tender. Somewhere that sounded far away over the rush of blood in his ears, Taliesin was swearing about his rolls and the game was still going. The game. He had to focus on the game. They couldn’t stop and have a good cry and a few drinks to calm themselves in the heat of battle. He laughed because it was either that or climbing over the others to get to his Sam and kiss away those tears he was hiding behind his hands like the world’s biggest six year old.

“I love you.” He whispered and nobody could hear it over Matt’s narration save for Laura who leaned into him and asked; “Is Sam crying?”

Liam nodded, he thought he did at least, his hands were shaking and he searched for anything to clasp, a drink would do. Everything after was a bit of a blur, not that he couldn’t recall it but that all he could focus on was his Sam so far away looking like he desperately needed a hug and someone to hold his hand. Joe definitely wasn’t  _ that _ into it.

For all Liam knew it could have been minutes or hours or days before the cameras were off and he could sweep an arm around Sam and start walking. Sam was shaking underneath his wing and Liam pulled him closer so they could walk in easy step. “Liam…” Sam whimpered and looped an arm around Liam’s waist.

“Shh…” Liam forced them just a little further behind an office door - Marisha’s? He wasn’t sure. It didn’t matter. “It’s okay.”

Sam wrapped around him, both arms encircling Liam’s waist until he pressed Sam against the door only to feel legs twining with his. “I’m here,” Liam sighed, pressing his face into Sam’s sweaty hair. He sniffed back his first sob as Sam started all over again. “I’m here, babe, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Sam’s body rattled, letting the frustration and sadness come in a giant wave. Everything he’d held back for the cameras, for their friends, was loosed in a torrent of emotions that neither of them could really control. “I’m sorry…” He sobbed against Liam’s shirt. “I wanted-I-it’s so stupid-I know-”

“It’s not stupid.” Liam raised his voice, hugging Sam tighter. “I know. I know, Sam. I know what  _ you _ were trying to do.”

“I wanted to save you.” Sam sniffed, loud and undignified in their relative privacy. “Not you, I mean-”

“I know.” Liam’s hand found Sam’s hair, stroking out where he’d matted it wiping tears and stage sweat. “I know.” His voice hitched and he tried not to let himself cry, not to be overtaken by the enormity of Sam’s deep emotions.

It didn’t work. Instead, he pressed his face against Sam’s, cheek to cheek at first and then his mouth at the corner of Sam’s. He closed his eyes tight, tears trickling down his cheeks as it got hard to breathe and hard to think, even hard to stay upright without clinging to each other.

“I love you.” Liam sniffled, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“I love you too.” Sam sobbed, and then wiped his face across Liam’s shoulder. So easy the words rolled off his tongue, a reflex by now.

“No.” Liam sighed, taking another shaking breath. “I mean, I love you. Sam. I love you so much. And it hurt so much to see you- just- just hurting. I couldn’t bear it.”

“I’m sorry.” Sam’s voice pitched to a keening sad wail as another sob rippled through him. “I tried so hard not to do it, not at the table, not in front of everyone and  _ the internet _ !”

“You’re not hearing me, Sammy.” Liam forced himself to say it louder still, to push through the tension flooding both of them. “Look at me.”

“I can’t.”

“Sam. Please.” Liam cupped his cheek, squeezed gently at the stupid pliable softness of his face, and turned it to him. “Open your eyes.”

Sam coughed and choked on his sob, then forced his wet eyes open to show the familiar shining depths. They’d cried before, really genuinely cried like they were now, but it wasn’t the same. There wasn’t the depth of understanding Liam felt and hoped that he wasn’t alone in. Something else was there, maybe not something new but something unacknowledged before. “I’m trying to stop…”

“You don’t have to, no, no… I just have to say this before it doesn’t matter anymore.” Liam gently patted the tearstained cheek underneath his palm. “Sam. Thank you. Thank you for showing me that it was never just about Vax.” His lips cracked when he smiled, even weak as it was. “I love you, Sam. Do you know what I mean?”

Sam nodded slowly and coughed again, gradually easing his rapid drags for air as his body went limp in Liam’s arms. “I know.” Sam whispered, another sniffle punctuating his words. “I mean… I know. I’ve known for a long time. I just… we can’t.”

“I know.” Liam’s heart sank a little. In the rush of well, everything, he hadn’t even known what to expect out of that revelation… why it was so important to get it out right then. “I think I’m the last one to figure it out.”

Unexpectedly, Sam’s fingers clutched at the back of his shirt hard enough to feel nails raking through cotton. “I’m sorry.” He lowered his eyes and then pushed up just a little on his toes. At some point in the split second it took for Liam’s brain to register, Sam’s lips were on his. His lips, and then a warm tongue that opened his mouth and welcomed the natural response as Liam pressed back against him.

Pinned between the door and himself, Sam’s body seemed completely open to searching hands that didn’t know where they should be - where they could be - that settled underneath his shoulders. “This is so fucked up.” Liam sighed when the kiss broke. He leaned his forehead against Sam’s, leaving the lack of space between them. “Why didn’t I-why did I? Jesus. I’m fucked.”

After another deep breath, the sobs subsiding, Sam’s grip relaxed to flattened palms. It could be any embrace, how many times had they slow danced in this same exact stance? Forehead to forehead, gazing into each other’s eyes like lovestruck teenagers at prom. Sam always led, he would always take that lead.

“It’s been a crazy night.” Sam said in a rarely heard uncertain tone that made Liam ache for all the wrong reasons. “We can just pretend this didn’t happen.”

“The crying, the kiss, or the fact that I desperately want to kiss you again?” Liam smiled weakly.

“All of it.” Sam rubbed a small circle on Liam’s back, not quite holding him but also seeking that affection clearly. “Nothing has to change.”

Liam sniffed back what must have been a stray tear. Yeah. He could do that, force it all back into Pandora’s box and sit on the lid. It would be okay, he’d still have everything and eat it too.

“Yeah.” He replied, hearing the strain in his voice and knowing Sam wouldn’t miss it. “I can do that.”

“You can do anything.” Sam offered, lowering his arms and prompting Liam to take a half step back. Liam was surprised when Sam caught his hands and held them tight. “You know you’re not the only one, right? I mean… I’m not good at saying that kind of thing-”

“I know, Sam. I’m sorry… I don’t know what came over me.”

Sam squeezed his hands. “Just so you know, I do. Too, I mean. I do too.”

Liam swallowed the lump in his throat yet again and forced a shallow laugh. “We should get going. Everyone’s going for drinks I think, we sure as fuck need them. If we don’t hurry they’ll think we were making out or something.”

“Can’t have that.” Even Sam’s awkward laugh felt uncomfortable in the suddenly stuffy office. “I’ll, uh, I’ll be a couple minutes. Fix my face, you know.”

“I’ll tell them you’re jerking off.”

“Fair enough.”

The corner of Liam’s mouth tugged with a smile that didn’t fully materialize until after a few strong drinks were in him an hour later where he could focus on everything else, anything that wasn’t the uncomfortable disappointment lingering in his guts. He wasn’t mad, how could he be really, it just hurt.

It’d be fine. He’d be fine.


	4. Three Sheets to the Wind (He Flings the Box Open)

It was easy to find distractions. Work was heating up with so many things Sam couldn’t talk about not to mention their weekly distraction that also happened to be another job. Then, the season was over and there was a lack of one-on-one time that was replaced with family and holidays.

Still, they found a moment. A good solid evening to sit in the hot tub with a bottle of very nice wine - aerated properly, thank you very much - and a healthy amount of Dad Rock on low volume in the background.

“I just can’t believe it’s over.” Liam laughed, finishing his second glass before setting it on the edge of the tub only to watch Sam sweep it up to fill again. “What am I supposed to do with my life now that Vax is dead?”

“Not dead.” Sam said firmly. It was still a sore spot. “He’s got eternal life with the feathery bitch.”

“She doesn’t like it when you call her that.” Liam teased, following it with more of a physical tease in the form of his foot following the familiar line of Sam’s leg under the bubbling water. “I think TRQ is the current term.”

“Oh. My apologies. I’ll be sure to flip her off in the Wintercrest letter.”

A comfortable silence fell between them as the next song clicked over and more wine was shared. “It’s cute.” Liam said unexpectedly, “that you’re still upset about Vax.”

“Of course I’m upset. You loved Vax.”

“He was a great character with a great story. All the great ones die at the end.”

“Oh yeah? Name one.” It was entirely too easy of a challenge, Sam was well aware, but he had to issue it.

“Neo in The Matrix. Too easy.”

“Okay, I mean… he came back, but sure. Name ten.”

“Okay, that’s one…” Liam sipped his wine and Sam could see the wheels turning behind alcohol-glassy eyes. “Uh… Braveheart. Still okay even though Mel Gibson is a dick.”

“Two.”

It took a minute. “Tom Hanks in Saving Private Ryan.”

“Did he die?”

“Uh… yeah. But what was his character’s name?”

“That’s not fair, you’ve given me wine and it’s been at least a decade since I saw that movie of sad.”

“Fair. Okay, you’ve got three. Is that the best you can do?”

“Let me think. Damn it.” Sam glanced away when his heart fluttered at the crinkle of Liam’s laugh lines as he was thinking hard through the grape colored fog. “You put me on the spot.”

“You can give up, I mean the only thing you have to lose is your pride and  _ come on _ .”

“Oh, uh, Romeo and Juliet. And Hamlet. And-”

“Shakespeare doesn’t count.”

“Excuse you, Shakespeare always counts.”

“Okay, we’ll count one for every Shakespeare hero ever.”

“Not all of them.”

“A lot of them.”

Liam shrugged. “Fair. Right, so that’s six?”

Sam had to think back. He’d gotten better at holding his wine, but Liam was really good at making him forget. At least, the gentle stroking foot on his thigh was a very real distraction. “Five.”

“Shit.” Liam laughed again. “Alright. Turner and Hooch.”

“Tom Hanks doesn’t die in Turner and Hooch.”

“No, the dog. The dog was definitely the most important character in that movie.”

“Now we’re counting dogs?”

The fresh flush on Liam’s face informed Sam that yes, they were definitely counting dogs.

“Leo DiCaprio in Titanic.”

“Sure, but Rose didn’t die until the end…”

“Leo in everything, right? He dies a lot. It’s like Sean Bean.”

“Okay, fine. That’s six.”

“Seven. Eight because Sean Bean.”

“In what?”

“Everything? Lord of the Rings.”

“He wasn’t even a main character!”

“He was part of the Fellowship of the Ring! He was kind of like a Vax. I mean… he did things. He had the horn of Gondor.”

“Fine. Eight. You don’t have two more.”

“Gimme a minute. I’m still thinking about how if Boromir was Vax, that means Scanlan would have to be Aragorn and that’s not even a little right.” Liam laughed hard enough that Sam was actually a little offended for his character.

“I mean, he could be. You know, sexing with the sexy elf and having a really cool sword.”

“Yeah, okay, but which elf? I mean, he definitely had a thing going with Arwen and Legolas.”

“Okay, so what if Vax is Legolas and Vex was Arwen?”

“You’re saying Scanlan banged the twins?” Liam snorted. “Like both of them?”

“Preferably at the same time.”

Watching Liam lose it in a fit of giggles was easily one of the highlights of the night, totally worth losing count of dead main characters.”And Kiki would have to be Frodo what with the sadness and outliving all of our natural lives.”

“That’s terrible.”

“Percy is a very tortured version of Samwise.”

“Samwise on the dark side?”

Sam had to push himself to finish the thought. “And Pike is Merry because she’s way more fun than all of us.”

“And Grog is Pip because he’s a dumbass that means well.”

“Exactly.” Sam nodded. “And we’ll say Kima is one hundred percent Gimli.”

“Dwarf, halfling, close enough. She’s got an axe.”

“Who’s Gilmore?”

“Oh God. Gilmore.” Sam winced. “I feel so bad for him. He doesn’t even know Vax died.”

“I’m sure someone told him. Maybe Scanlan told him.”

“Maybe they’re lovers now because Scanlan knew he could never replace the hole Vax left in his life.”

“I’m going to find a way to suggest that to one of those writers, you know the dirty ones.” Liam took a much longer sip. “Come on, think. Use your brain for something other than making me think about your gay lovers.”

“Excuse me, Scanlan Shorthalt is an equal opportunity pervert.”

“Like creator, like character.”

Sam snorted. Okay, that was fair. “How about he’s Elrond?”

Liam paused, waiting for an explanation that Sam was still sorting out. “Explain.”

“I don’t know…” Sam spluttered. “Maybe because he’s the ultimate Daddy just like Hugo Weaving.”

Liam facepalmed. “I knew I shouldn’t have let you watch that movie. Now you’re just dreaming about Australia and drag.”

“No. No. I’m thinking Elrond because they’re both made of magic.”

“Too late. Can’t take it back. Now that you’re famous I have to tell Hugo you want to call him Daddy.”

Sam’s face warmed and he downed the rest of his glass to make it a little easier to pretend that word in Liam’s voice wasn’t horrible and hot at the same time. “You don’t have his number.” He played it coy. “And I’ll make sure I don’t bring you to the Hollywood parties because the only person I call Daddy is you, and I’m usually drunk when I do it. And in text message.”

“Oh, baby.” Liam cooed. “You remembered our secret drunk texts.”

“I definitely remember one last week about coming over so you could cook me a roast. Something like… Mama’s in the kitchen…”

“So wait, am I Daddy or Mama?” Liam slid closer, playfully splashing water that missed Sam’s face and sloshed into his glass.

Sam made a show of dumping his glass, a few pink-red dribbles bubbling up around his nipples in the water. “Gender is a mystery, Liam. We may never know.”

Liam snickered and finished another glass - was that three or four, the bottle was looking way more empty than it should - and offered it for Sam to keep pouring. “What were we talking about?” He leaned back in the tub, exposing the heat pinked skin of his chest, and shifted closer.

“Mmm, places Scanlan’s dick has been.”

“Oh, that’s easy. All of them.” Liam laughed a little too loud. Yep, definitely drunk. For that matter, Sam was pretty sure he wasn’t far behind. “We should talk about  _ you _ , husband.”

“Me?” Sam’s voice cracked a little and he forced a nervous chuckle. “Sure, Liam. You can talk about me.”

“I want to.” Liam’s eyes narrowed with his coy-yet-affectionate intense gaze. “I want to talk about how you were projecting-”

“Oh, we’re going psychology tonight?”

Liam waved a dismissive hand and continued, undaunted. “You were projecting Sam’s feelings onto Scanlan for quite a while, wish spell and all that.”

“Interesting. Are you saying that my love for you affected how Scanlan felt about Vax?” It wasn’t exactly something he was hiding. It was just a thing that happened. Live on the internet.Like you do.

“Yes.” Liam nodded as though he’d just blown the case wide open. “And I’m saying that deep down you’re afraid that I’m going to die and you’re going to regret never finding out what could have been.”

“Okay. Liam.” Sam’s brain whirred and felt fuzzy around the edges. It was a little too close and frankly neither of them was in any state to talk about it. Not that they ever really were. “We aren’t going to talk about this tonight.”

“Then when, Sammy?” Liam looked at him with those eyes that he was pretty sure could see into his soul. “When are we going to talk about what happened and what could happen and if it should?”

Sam didn’t have an answer for that, at least not one that made things any different. Instead, he downed half a glass of wine so fast the stars above them became blurry smudges and then picked up the bottle, the bottom remnant sloshing as he pushed up and out of the water. “I should go.”

“It’s your house. You can’t go.” Liam pouted, and then let out a deep sigh. “Fine. I’m being a depressing shit. Don’t go.”

It was hard to say ‘no’ to Liam when he wasn’t tipsy. Saying it now wasn’t going to happen. Instead, Sam sank back into the water and sighed when Liam slid across the surface to sit skin to skin in one corner with him. “I-I just don’t know what you want from me.”

Liam leaned his head on Sam’s shoulder, a reversal he was comfortable enough with… he’d spent more than his fair share in that position. “Nothing.” Liam said softly. “Nothing you don’t already give me every day whether you know it or not.”

Sam took a long drink from the dwindling bottle, his interior snob whinging at the audacity, and then offered it to Liam. “It doesn’t feel like nothing.”

“I just wonder if maybe the world wasn’t the way it is things would have been different.” Liam finished the last deep swallow, letting the wine dribble down his chin and into the water.

“Like what if we never fell in love with our amazing wives and went full homo?”

“Not when you say it like that.” Liam chuckled, but there was a sadness in it Sam read loud and clear. “It would have been good, right?”

“Maybe.” Sam tried not to think about it, had been trying not to think about it off and on for much longer than he’d ever admit. “We have amazing lives now, though. I mean… we’re so lucky. We don’t deserve to have amazing wives and amazing kids and amazing careers…”

“It’s pretty amazing, yeah.” Liam sighed and his weight shifted until Sam caved and looped an arm over his shoulders to bring Liam in close. “Could be better.”

“What? If we were secret dating on the sly?”

Liam snorted and Sam smiled into his damp hair. “God no. Dating is the worst. We could just skip straight to the good part.”

“Well, not  _ straight _ …” Sam had more to say, but Liam’s hand dipped below the water and rested on his thigh, distracting him completely with a simple caress of palm and fingers.

“A few years ago I, uh… I did something stupid. I asked for a pass and I don’t think she believed me.” Liam’s voice took on a dream-like softness as he spoke, words stumbling and elongated to match the lazy circles he drew across Sam’s skin. “I felt guilty and told her all of the things we don’t say out loud and she laughed and she told me that for you, she understands. You’re the other woman, Sam, you know that.”

Sam snickered, and then realized he was ruining the moment. “Well, I mean. So are you. But it’s fine. We don’t have to change.”

“Not change. Just… maybe acknowledge the tension a little bit. That’s all I want is to know that it’s not always a stupid joke. The feelings are real.”

“Of course they’re real.” Sam sighed and pressed a loud kiss on top of Liam’s head. “Come on, you’re not allowed to use your sad voice when your hand is literally inches away from my junk.”

That was enough to get a small laugh, a welcome comfort. “It was your idea to be naked in the hot tub. I could always put my hand  _ on _ your junk if that makes it better.”

“You wouldn’t.” Sam let slip a nervous titter. Liam would. Of course he would, even if they were still joking Liam definitely wouldn’t miss a chance to take the nut shot. Sure enough, the words had barely left his throat when Liam’s hand grasped loosely over his cock, fingertips brushing his balls like he was testing them. “Liam!”

“What?” Liam throat laughed. “It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve manhandled your package.” He gave another squeeze that made all the blood in Sam’s body rush to his face - and then his groin. “Jesus it’s like a brazil nut and two grapes.”

Sam squealed and couldn’t find his voice for several beats. Liam’s hand didn’t move, just sort of groped and lingered. “Well… we’ve been drinking in a hot tub for a whole bottle.” He whined, too late to hide it. “I mean last time you said it was an almond and raisins so…”

Liam clicked his tongue and gave another squeeze. “You really do love me.”

“I tolerate you, yes.”

“Come on, you love me… say it. Just once and I won’t compare your genitals to a fruit and nut tray.”

“Will you move on to other party platters? Might I suggest a veggie assortment? I myself am quite fond of carrots and cherry tomatoes.” It took far too much effort to keep a straight face and crack jokes, especially when he was trying to pretend his body wasn’t reacting to the presence of warm skin against skin through the hot water.

“I don’t know, I’d say you’re a couple good pulls away from celery stick…” Liam squeezed again, purposefully flashing Sam a wicked glance.

“Liam…” Sam’s voice cracked, and not just because the arousal was really starting to be a thing. “I love you, okay? I don’t know what I could do to make you actually believe that  _ yes _ it’s real, but it is and I don’t want to make things complicated. I’m a little drunk and you’re equally drunk and this is just a little too much to deal with right now.”

Liam’s hand moved away, and then he withdrew the warmth of his body to move a foot away. He looked defeated and that made Sam’s heart hurt. He didn’t mean to push him away, not in any sense of the idea. He just didn’t want things to change. Didn’t want it to end badly, or at all for that matter. “Sam-” Liam’s voice rattled. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. This is stupid. Of course I love you, would I be sitting naked in a hot tub with an eight hundred dollar merlot to make jokes with anyone else? No. I wouldn’t, because that’s special and reserved for our time.”

Liam nodded, but continued his deep stare into the bubbling spa. Sam continued: “We have a great life. I’m not saying we’ll lose anything by doing whatever, but I don’t want to risk the chance.”

And that really was the problem, wasn’t it? Not just the specter of infidelity, which honestly probably wasn’t nearly as much of a problem as he wanted to make it given his own lovely wife’s insistence that he should “just go on and do it already, he was your wife before I was”, but the fear of risk. What they had was safe, had been for a very long time. They didn’t have to change things.

Not that he didn’t think about it. Of course he did, he wasn’t stupid. Looking at where Liam had taken to making slow circles in the water with both hands, he sure felt stupid. “Hey, come here.” Sam gestured for him to come close again, but Liam didn’t respond.

“Liam.” Sam sat down the empty bottle and slid down fully into the water only to wrap his hands around Liam’s comforting chest. Liam stiffened for the first time ever in his arms. Frustrated, he leaned back and yelled at the stars. “For whoever cares to be listening. I love my best friend. I love him in the best friend way, in the may as well be married way, and yes even in the sexy time way.” His voice carried on the wind, tickling his own ears. “I don’t care what you think because I am here right now with my Liam and nothing is ever going to change that!”

The sound stopped and nothing changed. The world didn’t come to a screeching halt, birds didn’t fall out of the sky, his neighbor’s cat rustled in the bushes but apparently didn’t have anything to say.

And then Liam laughed, an achingly soft sound that made Sam feel silly and dumb all over again.

“There.” Sam chuckled himself, letting the awkwardness sink in and simmer like a familiar sauce. “Shit, I should have been on Periscope.”

“Critters would have loved that.” Liam muttered.

“My hairy chest, drunk in a hot tub yelling what everyone already knows.” Sam snorted. “Whatever. I don’t care. It’s fine.”

“It’s fine?”

“Yeah. Fine. We’re fine.” There were at least five different meanings to the word  _ fine _ in the last hour alone, but that was fine too. Liam gently ran his wet hands over Sam’s sides, allowing him back in where they could meet skin to skin and just be.

Sam didn’t hesitate to do what was right. He stroked his knuckles down Liam’s cheek to get his attention, and then kissed him with the depth and sincerity nobody ever expected he could muster. Liam knew, though, Liam always knew when he was being full of shit.

This was real. Everything was fine, they'd be fine.


	5. Eros in Play

Hotel bars were the worst, but hotel rooms weren’t bad. They were in a hotel bar when Liam found himself wishing they were in a hotel room. Three drinks and approximately half a million people had interacted with him over the course of the evening and it was entirely too much for one day. He found Sam at a table with Matt and some people he recognized but didn’t know. He wasn’t shy about leaning down to whisper against Sam’s ear and feel the flush of his skin.

“I’m going back to the room.” Liam said in a sultry tone, entirely on purpose for the pleasure of Sam blush. He let his lips linger there much longer as Sam let an awkward chuckle slip before leaning away.

“Okay?” Sam giggled. “Do you need an escort?”

“Too expensive.” Liam teased. “Matthew, I’m stealing my husband to make sure I get back to the right room.”

“Sure…” Matt responded coyly and Sam blushed even deeper. “Try not to break him too much, we’re signing tomorrow.”

There would be no breaking, and even if there was Liam knew he was the one who would be too wrecked to function. If only.

Things had more or less gone back to their comfort zone, no more loud declarations of love in hot tubs, no more kisses. Of course, the lingering touches and intimate physicality had gone unchanged as it always had.

“One more drink?” Sam asked with such an innocent and adorable face Liam had to relent.

“Fine, but I’m sitting on your lap.”

“There’s another seat…” One of the strangers offered, Liam pretended not to hear them and wiggled between the table and Sam’s pants before casually draping himself over his friend, lingering nose to nose for entirely too long.

“Are we kissing?” Sam murmured, his tongue darting out along his lower lip.

“Not a good night for gay chicken.” Liam answered, moving his chin to Sam’s shoulder only when he heard Matt choke on his drink. “Just tired. Cuddly.”

“For fuck’s sake, cuddle the man.” Matt cleared his throat with another long drink of ice water. “I can’t take more bubbles through the nose.”

Another round of drinks came and Liam felt the cold press of a beer bottle against his fingers as Sam tried to give it to him. “Don’t wanna drink.” Liam groaned. “Want bed and a massage.”

The strangers excused themselves and Matt asked openly; “So this is a normal thing now, right?”

“What?” Sam’s voice pitched and Liam just knew he was blushing again. Worth the awkward stares as he clenched his arms a little tighter around his Sammy. “We cuddle, we’ve always cuddled. There’s nothing wrong with full contact male bonding.”

“Bonding.” Matt echoed with a cute snort. “I’m just not used to you being so open. It’s pretty cool.”

“We are cool, Sammy… Matthew Mercer said we’re cool now.” Sam’s hand patted Liam’s lower back and he couldn’t help but grin against Sam’s shirt.

“Liam’s drunk.” Sam replied and Liam could picture his shy little grin, like  _ he _ was capable of actually embarrassing Sam.

“Tired, babe. You’ve had more than me.” Liam muffled his voice into Sam’s collar, clinging to him all the more dearly. “Want to go.”

“I don’t mean anything by it.” Matt sounded apologetic and Liam had to set it right.

“I’m being silly.” Liam craned his neck to see Matt was blushing too, running those long fingers over the rim of his glass. “Con burnout.”

“Come on, you big baby.” Sam looped an arm under Liam’s backside and lifted with a comically loud grunt. “Yeah. No. Still can’t carry you.”

“Drink your beer. I’m not going anywhere.”

Awkward silence led to lulled conversation. Work stuff, Liam wasn’t interested, he had his cuddle buddy and was content to drink all of that in until he could cocoon himself in hotel blankets. As always, Sam’s hands found their way home: the small of his back and his left thigh behind his knee, always knowing just where to rub and touch to keep him from wiggling to find comfort.

He drifted off, probably a little too easily but early morning jet lag and a fully packed day of being adored despite his own protests was just too much for any person. Only to be awakened by a low and familiar groan on his ear. Liam echoed the sound and pushed down against the solidness of Sam’s lap before realizing they were still most likely not alone.

Matt let out a guffawing laugh of confirmation.

“Come on big guy, let’s get you to bed.” Sam whispered, patting Liam’s lower back. “Can’t feel my legs.”

“Five o’clock.” Matt said sternly, followed by the hollow click of glass on wood. “I’ll bring coffee.”

“We’ll call it five-fifteen and we’ll be charming.”

“Five-thirty it is.” Matt chuckled as Liam slid off of Sam’s lap with all the grace of a boneless chicken.

There was vague awareness of the maze of corridors once they left the bar, but Liam was glad to have Sam’s hand guiding him - at first gently on his elbow and then fully owning it by reclaiming its spot on the back of Liam’s belt.

“Mmm. Home.” Liam groaned as their room door banged closed. Sam mentioned something about home being several hours west and days away, but all Liam really heard was the protest of bedsprings underneath him as he slid onto the comfortable mattress. They were sharing a double, as usual it simply made things easier and they didn’t mind. The bed technically designated as his had the sum of their luggage and had been stripped of a blanket and four pillows to create a bedzilla nest for the pair on what was  _ technically _ Sam’s bed.

“You really are tired.” Sam said from the foot of the bed. Liam groaned and then felt the familiar dance of Sam tugging at his shoes, getting him bed ready after a long day.

“I don’t know how you’re still functional.” Liam groused. It wasn’t fair, they were basically the same age and Sam’s energy was so much better after a day being social. Liam felt like he’d just been through a good run on the hottest day of the year. “Pants?”

Sam let one shoe drop and then the other, thud thud. “Roll over.”

It would be romantic if it wasn’t so mechanical and practiced. Liam flopped onto his back and stared down the rumpled cotton of his shirt to watch Sam crawl between his legs. If that wasn’t a sight…

“You could have the decency to chat me  up first. Buy me another beer.” Liam teased, already feeling the stir of arousal as Sam fumbled open his belt and pulled at his button.

Sam paused, smiled, and then shook his head. “I think you’ve probably had enough drinks. We have to at least try for not hungover in the morning.”

“Three.” Liam lifted his hips and let out a held breath, trying his best to not react to Sam’s fingers yanking his zipper. “Only three.”

“Three while you’re exhausted and still fighting jetlag and didn’t sleep well last night.” Sam slipped so easily into the lecturing Dad voice. It wasn’t Liam’s fault it was sexy as hell. He lowered his hips again when Sam managed the tight jeans down to his thighs, but it wasn’t fast enough that his crotch didn’t brush against those steady hands. “Are you hard?”

“You’re the one looking.” Liam drawled, heat tingling up the back of his neck. “You tell me.”

Sam shook his head again and patted his thigh, but didn’t answer. Instead he finished yanking off Liam’s jeans and then stood at the end of the bed and unbuttoned his shirt.

“Joking.” Liam muttered, struggling off his own shirt and knocking his glasses down his nose in the process.

“You’re not.” Sam corrected, tossing his button up on the other bed and following it with his undershirt. “It’s okay.”

Normally Liam would have a rebuff, but it was fair enough. He wasn’t entirely joking. Instead, he took off his glasses and rested them on the bedside table and then clicked off the lamp. It was easy to manage himself underneath his blanket and then roll his back toward Sam.

Sam sighed in the darkness and Liam heard the rustle of pants and then the shifting of bedclothes. When the bed didn’t dip down with Sam’s weight in their usual pattern he began to worry just a little. “Don’t pout.” Sam said softly. “I’ll still be the big spoon.”

Most often, Sam laid out on his back and Liam had to find his way into place through the course of the night, slowly snuggling up under his arm and eventually holding his Sammy-bear. Sometimes, on bad nights or when they were both too tired to seek comfort, they ended back to back and woke up in the morning cranky and cold. On good nights, very good nights like this night, Sam slid into bed and wriggled up behind him. One familiar arm wormed under the pillows where his neck fitted against Sam’s elbow, and Sam’s trapped hand rested on his collarbone while the other rubbed tender circles on his belly.

That touch was most welcome, always, but especially when the exhaustion and overexposure had worn Liam thin. Sometimes being held by those arms was about the only thing that made it all fade away.

“Not so bad, is it?” Sam murmured, his lips brushing on Liam’s shoulder as talented fingers combed over his belly button, dipping in and then swinging around. “I can’t even hear our neighbors fucking.”

Liam snorted and turned his face into Sam’s bicep, kissing it for lack of a better thing to do. “Pretty sure that’s Laura and Travis’s room.”

“Exactly. I can’t live up to that kind of stamina.” Sam whispered in his hairline and the warm breath made him shiver. “You cold?”

“It’s fine.” Liam muttered, pushing back against him. “You’ll warm me up.”

“I am practically a space heater.”

He was able to hold his reaction back, but that didn’t make it any less interesting. “Mmm. Keep talking? Tell me what you and Matt were talking about.”

Liam felt Sam’s lips curling on his skin, a wicked smile for sure. “You were there.”

“Fell asleep.”

“Sure.” Sam definitely didn’t believe him, but it didn’t really matter. “We actually had a lovely conversation about the new story…”

“Oh?”

“And I told him we might play lovers.”

“Oh.” Liam grinned himself at that thought, one of the many they’d bounced off each other while discussing new ideas.

“And then he said we already play that every day.”

“Ah.” Liam knew where that was going; if the lilt of Sam’s voice hadn’t clued him in, the content hammered it home. “What did you say?”

“I may have told him that we’re not playing.” Sam shifted a little, hips fitting at a different angle than before. It took a moment to notice, a moment that Liam would definitely be kicking himself for if he wasn’t riding high on exhaustion. He wasn’t the only one at least a little turned on.

“I see.” Liam whispered, staring down at the crook of Sam’s elbow in the tiny beam of light that crept under the door.

Sam shifted again, pushing against him and then just… leaving it there. “Yeah.” Sam sighed. “I mean, I could have just blacked out, it’s kind of a blur.”

“Did he laugh?” Liam didn’t know why it mattered, but it just did. He wanted their friends to see just how  _ normal _ things were, that nothing was changing or different.

The slow circles on his belly button stopped and Sam flattened his palm there, his pinky subtly pushing at the waistband of Liam’s underwear. “No. No. I mean, would it matter if he did? It’s pretty funny.”

“I don’t think it’s funny.” Liam was torn, it would be easy to push… probably get something out of it too… but also there was a tickle at the base of his brain that told him Sam had something on his mind he wasn’t saying. “What are you doing?” He asked calmly, quietly.

There wasn’t a quick answer, not even a joke, and Liam knew then that he was definitely doing  _ something _ . “I don’t know.” He admitted after what felt like an eternity. “Thinking, I guess.”

Liam let the moment sit for several long breaths, letting it curl in his belly and tuck up alongside the coiled sexual tension. Suddenly, he felt very awake. Reaching up, he caressed the hand at his collarbone, and then rested on top of it. “Care to share?”

For a moment, Liam wasn’t sure that Sam was going to answer. He let himself focus on the lulling pulse of Sam’s heart on his back, the twitch of fingers on his belly, the slight push of arousal on his backside. He didn’t need an answer, it turned out, as the moment he began to drift again Sam’s hand slid beyond his navel and below the tight elastic of his shorts. “Sam, are you-”

“Yeah.” He answered without a hint of consideration in his voice. “Is that okay?”

Again, he was torn. Part of him wanted to know why, why the change of heart. Part of him desperately wanted the sensation of his cock rapidly responding to the softness of Sam’s hand to never end. The latter won out. “Yes…” He hissed, closing his eyes tight when Sam squeezed and then gently pulled until the front of his briefs stretched. “God yes.”

Sam was silent save for soft breaths that started at the back of Liam’s neck and then behind his ear. He stroked slowly, teasing it out as Liam pushed back against him to reward each one. They moved together at first, Sam would push, and he’d push back. Then Sam stopped pushing and just let him guide the motion, thrusting into his palm and then against the pressure of Sam’s hardon.

Soft panting breaths gave way to a prolonged groan, the strength in Sam’s hand was perfect and everything… the arousal pushing against him only made it better. “God… Sam. Fuck…”

“Can you take off your underwear?” Sam asked. Liam expected a hint of anxiety maybe, or at least hesitation. There was none to be had.

Liam slowed until all that remained was the deep throb as he rode the edge. “Right. You? Yours?” Who needed words, really? He didn’t wait for an answer, just pushed his underwear to his thighs to give Sam clearance to work.

“Uh… okay…” There was the hesitation. Still, Sam’s hand released his cock - Liam only whined a little bit - and he pulled away just long enough to let Liam’s imagination get to work. Then, what had been only a general lump of arousal was freely pushed between Liam’s thighs. They’d been naked together many times, even pressed skin to skin, but the warmth that pulsed off of Sam and against his back made it so much better.

Oh god.

“Don’t stop.” Liam whined louder, opening just enough to give full and open access. “Please touch me.”

In a powerful push, Sam slammed his body against Liam’s back, fitting them together like jigsaw pieces left too long apart. He groaned a short series of vowel sounds that could have been “okay” or something else completely.

Liam pushed right back, and then closed his legs to offer matched strokes when Sam gripped him again. “God…” Liam’s body shook, already close to just letting himself come. He held back, wanting to feel just how far things would go in the deep dark of a hotel so far from home. “So good.”

“Good.” Sam panted, and then caught his ear between gentle teeth - nibbling the edge until Liam was moaning again, nearly incoherent. Pinprick stars dotted the inside of Liam’s eyelids and when he felt his balls ache, he was done… no more holding back. 

Trying to stifle his cry, Liam turned his head into Sam’s bicep. His hips twitched, and then thrust forward hard enough to slam the base of Sam’s hand against his pelvis, and then back hard enough to feel the wet slide of Sam’s cock arching up to dig at his perineum.

“Oh god…” Sam panted, voice pitching near falsetto. “Oh god. Oh god. Oh fuck. Oh shit.”

“Harder.” Liam twisted his head to let loose a feral growl. “Right there. Harder.”

Sam obliged, his come-slicked fingers relocating to Liam’s hip for leverage, helped along when Liam rolled his hips to set rhythm. “Like this?”

“Ohhhh fuck…” Liam shuddered, each smack of skin against skin driving his post orgasmic haze just a little further. “Yes. Fuck. Please. God.”

Shifting his weight, taking the control that was freely given, Sam pushed harder against Liam’s back and rolled him onto his belly. Liam’s thighs opened of their own volition, not that he would ever admit part of him  _ really _ hoped for an accidental penetration despite knowing full and well that would be very bad. Sam pushed them back together to properly drive his cock between the thick flesh. “Good?” He leaned down to meet Liam’s back, belly pushing down at the base of Liam’s spine.

Blissfully spiraling, Liam barely managed to move his face from the pillow to answer. “Uh-huh.”

Several quick thrusts were enough to drive the moment home. One last hard smack and moan punctuated the pulses of fluid spreading between Liam’s legs and up to his balls. Shaking, exhausted in the best possible way, Liam let his legs stretch and brought Sam down on top of him. For a long moment they were content to just lie there catching their breath, bathing in their shared sweat and sex.

Then Sam rolled away and let out a strained laugh. “Wow. Did we just?”

“Fuck?” Liam exhaled, rolling toward him to find his chest with a trembling hand. “Yeah.”

“Not like,  _ fuck _ fuck, but yeah.”

“I mean, I didn’t exactly think to bring any sort of lubricant to this sleepover.” Liam laughed and buried his face in Sam’s chest.

Sam’s fingers, thankfully not sticky, found his hair and teased at the shy curls at the base of Liam’s neck, slowing his giddy giggles to a manageable joy. “I’ve never done that before, like… your thighs. That was so weird, but good weird.”

“Just good.” Liam corrected. “At least from my side… though… I am very sticky.”

“Housekeeping is going to hate us.”

“I’ll leave a good tip.” Liam groaned, calming down with the rhythmic tickle of Sam’s fingers.

Sam was quiet another long moment, Liam got the impression he was doing the anxious “how do I explain this to my wife” dance he’d be figuring out soon enough himself. Unexpectedly, Sam asked: “Are you okay?”

“Better than.” Liam grinned and kissed Sam’s chest. Then, he pushed up and kissed his mouth, lingering there as long as his arms would hold him upright.

Everything was just fine.


	6. One Love, Two Love

Dance routines were a lost art, but Sam took pleasure in the simplicity of moving on his feet and choreographing steps when he had a little downtime to think but not enough to actually do anything useful. Such as when he was trying not to pace the floor of the unexpectedly tiny cabin he’d rented for the weekend.

He had told himself that it wasn’t for any special reason, just a couple of best friends getting out of the city for the weekend with no kids and no responsibilities. He’d brought up food and beer and a nice bottle of scotch to go with the stack of music to fill the time when they’d need something other than good company. He’d also forgotten his swimsuit for the lake, bug spray, also for the lake, and two of the three chargers he needed between his electronic devices.

No work, no twitter, just a couple of bros and the  _ far too large _ bottle of lube his wife had picked out for the trip. Nothing weird about that. Nothing at all.

Liam was late, he’d said he would be because he had to finish a few things before driving up, but the worry started to settle in after Sam had taken his time to slow roast a nice chicken and bake off a couple of potatoes… mixed greens were wilting in the fridge.

He added a second step and then went freestyle, the modified ball step with a full hip turn and then pop - pop - dip.

The sound of tires on gravel broke his momentum just as he was about to change it up with a jump. Sam straightened up and hurried to the door, getting down the trio of steps off the porch to catch Liam, bags in hand, heading up. “Sorry I’m late-” Liam started, only to be caught off guard as Sam snatched one of the two overnight bags. “I’ve got this, it’s fine.”

“Nope, I insist.” Sam answered, already making for the door again. “Dinner’s warming in the oven and I don’t want you to have dry chicken on our first night out.”

“It’s fine.” Liam protested still, but Sam knew behind his back Liam was grinning. “You cooked? For me?”

“For us.” Sam glanced back when he hit the doorway, letting Liam catch up to him. “This is our guys’ weekend.” It wasn’t fair how effortless it was for Liam to look comfortable. His jeans had weathered creases through the legs, worn in almost as much as the aged t-shirt that clung to his chest. It was the sort of thing he’d wear any weekend knocking around the house.

“A guys’ weekend.” Liam quirked an eyebrow and shifted the strap of his travel bag. “With two guys?”

“It gets better.” Sam chuckled, stepping just inside the vestibule to gesture at what was effectively all of the cabin. “Here we have our living room dead center, you’ll notice there is no television but a dusty and possibly not functional record player has been provided. Then over in that corner,” he pointed toward what could technically be called an eat-in kitchen as the ad had claimed, “we have a fully functional eat-in kitchen.” His hand shifted toward the rightmost corner. “And you’ll noticed tucked away in a very visible location we have one king sized bed complete with fresh flannel sheets and two moderately lumpy pillows.”

“Cozy.” Liam nodded, dumping his bags beside Sam’s at the foot of the bed. “At least there’s a closet.” He approached the double doors less than five feet from the bedside and Sam didn’t have the heart to tell him until the doors had been flung open. “Oh. Bathroom. Well, there’s a shower and toilet and sink… and it seems clean.”

“Yeah, very clean. Very snug.” Sam grimaced slightly. “I’ll remember next time to call ahead and make sure the place is larger than most economy hotel rooms.”

“Nah.” Liam shrugged and laid out across the middle of the bed. “I like it. No frills, nice and quiet.”

“Would you like your rosemary baked chicken served bedside or shall we take this to the table?”

“Oh, table. Certainly. Just need to go wash up.” Liam tilted his head to flash an upside down smile.

Sam waited until the doors were closed to set out the pair of vaguely floral patterned plates that could have walked out of his grandma’s cupboard. He followed them with silver sets, pre-rolled and sanitized according to the paper wrap holding them closed, and then a single silver candlestick with a half-burned red taper. As the tap turned off, he second guessed the quiet and turned on his phone to call up a dinner music playlist he’d had downloaded for ages. The sultry sounds of Luther Vandross filtered out of the tinny internal speaker to provide a nice “we tried” ambiance.

“I hope you are in the mood for scotch.” He called out, plating chicken and then potato and wilted greens. “I’ve got a nice one I think you’ll like.”

“Booze is good.” Liam answered through the closed door. “Company is better.”

Sam couldn’t help but smile just a little, already falling easily into comfortable routine. “I can call up Laura and Travis if you’re feeling lonely.”

The doors opened and Liam leaned out of them, stumbling dramatically around the bed and toward the kitchen-like corner. “I genuinely can’t imagine ever feeling lonely with you, and I know that’s not cute or a joke, but I can’t be funny when I’m smelling amazing food and listening to sex music while you look like you just stepped out of an outdoorsman’s catalogue.

“It’s just jeans.” Sam shrugged. “T-shirt. Nice overshirt.”

“It’s a flannel, Sam. You’re wearing an honest to God red and blue flannel shirt.” Liam grinned a little wider, leaning in to brush a kiss on his cheek. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I can be butch.” Sam protested, knowing full and well he really just couldn’t.

“Mmm. Hence the lack of proper sauce on the chicken.” Liam gestured toward the plates as though he didn’t know there was a covered saucepan waiting for him to finish the job.

“Don’t be crass, Liam. Only heathens eat rosemary chicken without sauce.”

Liam chuckled and took his seat, waiting patiently for Sam to drizzle the creamy sauce over his chicken and potatoes. “Let’s see, definitely butter - the real stuff - heavy cream?”

“Naturally. I told you, it’s just a simple man’s retreat feast.” Sam lidded the pot on the edge of the stove, quickly sliding into his seat. “With slightly better catering.”

“Slightly.” Liam stifled a laugh in his throat. “I don’t think I’ve ever had anything with this much affection put into it while sitting in a kitchenette.”

“Well. My affection is yours for the asking.” Sam warmed in the cheeks and waited until Liam had taken the first bite - pleasure groan and all - to pour drinks. “Not too much of this tonight. I want to be sober if we… you know.”

“Do what you invited me out here to do even though both of us have been too chicken to say it?”

“Don’t insult the chicken.” Sam chuckled in the back of his throat. “It’s just… harder in the city. I don’t know. I wanted our first time to be  _ special _ .”

“It was special. Half exhausted on day one of a con in a stuffy hotel room with your hand in my underpants.” Liam flushed pink behind his ears and the hot flush reaching Sam’s cheeks confirmed Liam wasn’t alone in his shame.

“That doesn’t count.”

“Oh come on.” Liam took several small bites before elaborating: “You can’t say that you buy into this whole  _ it’s not gay unless someone has a dick in their ass _ bullshit.”

“No!” Sam’s voice pitched just a little too high. Okay, maybe he kind of felt like that was sort of the crowning moment of doing the thing. Maybe. “I just mean like it wasn’t planned. We didn’t have explicit spousal permission, it just sort of happened.”

“Ah. So we get our permission slips and do the nice dinner…” Liam gestured down to his plate with a forkful of dripping chicken breast. “And then maybe listen to a little more music and have a second drink while we pretend we’re not both thinking about the bed that is literally fifteen feet away and secretly hoping the other is either willing to make the first move or decide not to.”

“I thought we might do some dancing.” Sam shrugged. “I brought our song.”

“Ah,  _ I Will Always Love You _ as sung by Miss Dolly Parton herself, not the Canadian songstress who popularized it.”

“Right. And there’s some other nice slow jams on the playlist…”

Liam took two more bites, clearly either more hungry than he’d let on or truly enjoying the food. “Yes, husband, yes I’ll dance with you.” He smiled, taking the first sip of warm scotch to wash down greens. “As though you have to ask.”

Sam chuckled and the the quiet settle in long enough to catch up to Liam’s appetite. Three songs in, he let his mind start wandering back to bed, back to the things he’d been thinking about and yet also trying not to think about. Trying to be as offhand as possible, despite feeling anything but, he said: “You know we don’t  _ have to _ do sex stuff, right? I mean, I’d be just as happy if we didn’t.”

“Yeah.” Liam nodded, apparently a bit lost in his own head too. “I know. And, you know I was trying to be funny bringing up butt stuff over dinner.”

“We can talk about it.” Sam shrugged. “It doesn’t bother me. It’s just a thing.”

As hard as Liam was to read at times, his demeanor was loud and clear. Brow furrowed slightly, eyes lingering on his plate, one hand loosely grasping a fork while the other barely teased at the matching knife. He wanted to talk, but didn’t want to seem like he wanted to talk. “I mean that.” Sam added, and then reached across the table to gently touch the top of Liam’s knife hand. “We should talk about it before we, you know, get in bed and be stupid at each other until sex either doesn’t happen or does.”

Liam snorted and an almost pained smile ran across his lips before settling into a tired neutral expression. “When did you become the guy that wanted to talk about things before jumping in head first?”

“Mmm.” Sam pretended to think about it a long moment. “Probably about a minute ago when I realized you looked like you wanted to talk about it and then I realized I wanted to hear you talk about it.”

His smile softened and Liam looked up at him with fond, warm eyes. “I’m nervous.” He chuckled, turning his hand to rest it palm to palm with Sam’s. “I guess all those things you said about not wanting things to change sort of finally caught up with me.”

“I was wrong.” Sam admitted, genuinely feeling he’d blown the whole thing out of proportion. “I mean, I was afraid of change… but honestly, I don’t think anything is really that different.”

“We’re planning to have sex tonight.” Liam pointed across the room. “Right there.”

“And it’s the sort of natural conclusion of  _ how many years _ of innuendo and outright groping that we both sort of played off as a joke while also kind of thinking that maybe we could do that?” Sam’s voice crept up with each hastily spoken word, not wanting to really admit it out loud. But, they were going there so he might as well. “I mean, I can think of at least a dozen times in the last five years I’ve figured that if anything bad ever happened and things just didn’t work out somehow for both of us, at least we’d still have each other to fall back on.”

“Still, that’s different.”

“Is it? At one point I had like this elaborate plan where we’d move into like the  _ worst _ apartment in a good neighborhood. I pictured this little cramped one bedroom where the maintenance was good and the wifi was amazing, but for some reason it always smelled just a little bit like cheese.”

“Oh, and there was never any parking but it was right on a public transit route.”

“Yeah. Yeah. And we’d share a bed because half the time we do that anyway, and sometimes we’d spoon and maybe kiss and cuddle and have sex.”

“Just like that?” Liam laughed, shaking his head, the sound bursting forth from his lungs until he was red in the face. “All this time you’ve been having fantasies about us?”

“Not like  _ fantasies _ !” Sam protested, despite the fact that they  _ sort of _ were. “They were very sad… so sad… and it’s not like you haven’t!”

“Well. Yeah.” Liam forced back his giggles with a long slug of alcohol as Sam began to stuff bites into his mouth just for an excuse to not comment. “I mean, who hasn’t thought about being stranded on an island and… keeping busy?”

“Straight people.” Sam snorted. “I guess. I don’t know anymore. Am I still a straight guy? Can I say that?”

Liam leaned his fork against the edge of his plate and shrugged. “Does it seem weird that I don’t care? Like… I genuinely don’t care about where I fall on the spectrum of sexuality anymore. I love my wife, and I love my best friend, and if I am a very lucky man I’ll get to have sex with both this week.”

“And the butt stuff?” Sam blushed into a too-large forkful of greens.

Liam shrugged again. “I know for a fact both of us have played around in that area with or without a partner.”

“Not like seriously.” Sam muttered. “I mean, like a finger.”

“Not two? Three? If find it very hard to believe you wouldn’t go for three.”

“It was weird.”

It was Liam’s turn to head the awkward silence until an entire saxophone heavy rendition of  _ November Rain _ had ended. “I can do all four.” He held up his hand and wiggled his fingers innocuously. “With enough slippery and time to futz around.”

Sam’s mouth hung open, for the briefest of seconds imagining what that would look like before blurting out. “Oh my god. Show me.”

“What? Now? That’s not exactly a party trick you whip out over dinner.”

For a second, Sam was sure Liam’s eyes fucking  _ twinkled _ . Liam added: “Maybe later. I do owe you a dance.”

There really wasn’t a reasonable response to that. Instead, Sam let the room go quiet save for the low sweet music and the gentle repose of their supper. Food and scotch turned to dance, “Just one.” Liam stated firmly, even though they ended up lingering together well into the second song.

“Hey, how come you always let me lead?” Sam asked, gently squeezing where their palms met on Liam’s shoulder as he dared a dip.

Liam came back up pink-cheeked and grinning. “You’re the better dancer.” His answer was simple, but the smile told Sam so much more. He liked being led, letting someone else call the shots no matter how aggressively he informed those decisions. Sam clasped around Liam’s waist a little tighter, drawing them shirt to shirt as he picked up the pace for a slightly more upbeat tempo.

“Am not.” Sam rebutted with all the shyness he could muster when so close to his partner. “I think you secretly just like it when I’m in charge.”

“Oh?” Liam quirked an eyebrow. “I wasn’t aware that was a secret.”

Taking advantage of the coy affectation of innocence, Sam stopped mid-step and pulled him into a kiss, letting it linger and then deepen until they were no longer even pretending to dance. Liam’s hands gravitated from where they’d come to rest on Sam’s shoulders and found his waist, boldly yanking out flannel shirttails and tee to find skin. Yep, definitely the right course of action.

“Mmm…” Liam groaned as their kiss broke, leaning against Sam’s forehead to close their little world down even smaller still. “I could kiss you all night.”

“If that’s what you want, sure.” Sam grinned, knowing full and well the fingers working under his belt line meant that wasn’t everything he wanted.

As if reading his mind, Liam slid his hands around to the front and gave a hard yank. “What I want-” He pulled again, taking a single step to haste Sam backward toward the bed, “-is for you to sit on the bed.”

“I thought you wanted me to take charge?” Sam muttered, taking the second backstep of his own accord. “What if I wanted you to sit on the bed?”

Liam’s face flushed a deeper red, his smile taking on a hint of strain. “As much as I’d love to see you on your knees, figuring out what to do with a penis, I think I’m better suited.”

“Oh!” Sam broke, unable to restrain the immediate well of giggles forcing its way out. “Wow. That’s…”

“Fast?” Liam nibbled his lower lip. “I’ve been thinking about it since forever.”

“Yeah, but-”

“I know what to do.” Liam chuckled plainly, the lines writ on his face saying what he verbally wasn’t. “Sit. Please?”

“Oh god… shouldn’t we have another drink? Maybe make this less awkward?”

“I don’t feel awkward.’ Liam guided him back until Sam’s calves brushed the foot of the bed. “I feel like you’re still fretting because you’re afraid.”

“I’m not afraid.” Sam protested. Spoiler alert, he was terrified. “I’m excited.”

“Because I’m going to suck your dick?”

Sam giggled again. “Don’t say it like that! Geeze… you- you can’t say that.”

“I can.” Liam intoned, dropping his voice to a soft palate whisper. “I’m going to suck your dick, and then you’re going to fuck me.”

The sound that escaped the tight clutch of Sam’s throat was very nearly a small scream. As it was, the best description his addled brain could muster was  _ little girl reaction #3 _ . “That’s exactly the answer I’d hoped for.” Liam chuckled from deep in his chest and then lowered Sam down to the soft mattress. “Now, take your pants off.”

“You are  _ really _ bossy for a bottom.” Sam muttered, already opening his belt and going for his fly. He wasn’t going to refuse, but he had to get a few shots in. “I mean, not that I know-”

“Erase the porn from your brain for two seconds.” Liam took a knee, letting out a soft effortful grunt. “I can’t live up to those expectations.”

Sam waited until Liam’s hands were tugging off his socks to push back with a coquettish; “I had to learn somehow.”

“As much as I’m dying to see your deep throat technique-” Liam started and then shook his head. “Enough talking. Naked. Clothes off.”

“All right… all right.” Sam struggled with his jeans only to have Liam take over, guiding them down his hips awkwardly as Sam took to shedding layers of shirt. “Pushy much.”

“Very.” Sam couldn’t help but feel it was Liam’s way of saying if they didn’t start now they’d both just find reasons  _ not to _ keep moving forward. It was kind of brilliant, if he’d learned anything about himself through the whole thing it was that he kind of was willing to take just about any reason to wait and run with it.

They were out of reasons, and Liam was making it hard to make one up.

“I mean, we just ate. Maybe we should slow down a little, let it digest?”

“Sam.” Liam glared up at him, Sam’s pants dangling off his knees. “I swear to God if you don’t stop trying to make me laugh, I’m going to laugh on your dick.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“With your pants off.”

Sam sighed, tossing his t-shirt in Liam’s face. “Fair enough. I’m just saying you have an out.”

Liam threw the shirt, landing it effortlessly on the kitchenette table. “Do I look like a man who needs an out?” He scooted forward on his knees, and then hooked both arms at the bottom of Sam’s thighs and pulled him forward - introducing his face to the fine details of Sam’s crotch.

Sam squealed a little louder that time, blood pulsing to his face and then much lower when Liam’s nose stroked the partially hard shaft of his cock. “I mean… I think my dick on your face means probably not?”

Liam’s tongue darted out, tasting the skin and teasing until Sam’s body spasmed. “Astute observation. Lean back. Let me work.”

“I want to watch.” Sam said without hesitation, he wanted to see every moment. He was immediately rewarded with the sight of Liam’s mouth opening taking the tip between his lips - suckling and humming at the back of his throat. Sam gasped, gripping the blanket under his fingers while his cock did the reacting for him, thickening as Liam slowly took him bit by bit.

He didn’t particularly want to know how Liam knew what he was doing, it was enough to know that he wasn’t kidding when he said that he did. Sam ached to reach out and touch him, but couldn’t help feeling like the serene concentration writ on Liam’s face would only be interrupted if he did. Liam’s eyes closed, lashes fluttering as he took deep nasal breaths and drew long lines over Sam’s flesh with his tongue. The hum increased to a rumbling and throaty moan when Liam’s lips met the groomed thatch of dark curls at the base and inhaled deeply there.

“Fuck…” Sam sighed, unable to restrain a deep moan.

“Mmmm…” Liam’s throat opened, somehow taking him even deeper and grinding his nose against wiry pubes and Sam gave in to the urge, grabbing him by the hair at the back of his head and tugging gently.

“Oh fuck, Liam!” He panted harder, thighs trembling when Liam swallowed. Withdrawing, Liam’s lips caressed him all the way up and then kissed the tip with a wet pop. “You weren’t joking.”

Offering a bashful almost drunken grin, Liam flicked the tip of his tongue along the slit underneath it and then teased around the crown before pulling away. “I’m going to leave you with just that much… because I can taste the premature ejaculation.”

“Not fair!” Sam whined, contorting his face for the extra drama. “I mean, I’ve had Liam-induced blue balls forever. Of course I’m-”

“Ahh.” Liam pushed up quickly, springing catlike to knock him down against the bed and pressed him with kisses that left his lips feeling bruised. “I want you inside me.”

“Cheesy porn line, check.”

Liam kissed him again, this time capturing his lower lip and biting it hard, doubtless punishing his smart mouth. “Not cheesy when I mean it. Did you bring lube?”

“Oh God…” Sam groaned, forcing his brain to work for anything more difficult than receiving pleasure. “Yeah, yeah… it’s a bit much? I think? She packed a jumbo bottle. I think she’s trying to tell me something.”

“That you should spend the entire weekend fucking your wifey silly?” Liam chuckled, pushing up off of him. “Get it. Unless you’d like to stay for the striptease?”

“Can I?” Sam gasped, sitting up wide-eyed and suddenly not really caring about the fact that his dick was gesticulating sidelong and hard as a rock.

Liam laughed, but didn’t answer. Instead, he peeled off his shirt and added it to the pile on the table with a toss over his shoulder. He moved his hips slowly to an alto sax that sounded a mile away to Sam’s rapt attention. “Come here.” Sam grabbed toward him, only to receive a coy grin and waggled finger. Turning his back, Liam showed off the lean but soft muscles down his back that Sam followed to his waist in time to see the creased jeans loosen and then drop to the floor with a hollow thud. 

“You. Are. Such. An asshole!” Sam squealed, blushing furiously as white boxer briefs were exposed, screen printed with his own face on each cheek.

“Just wait…” Liam laughed, giving a little wiggle that sent butt-Sam1 careening into butt-Sam2. “I believe you’re familiar with the printer in the mall. They did great work.”

“I’m gonna kill them.” Sam laughed between gritted teeth, blushing hotter.

“You haven’t seen the best part. Are you ready for it?”

“Not even a little.” Sam leaned forward, grabbing Liam’s wrist when he began to turn around. Liam thrust his hips forward and before he could react, Sam was nose to crotch with with a purple hand tented out and reaching for him.

“Bigby’s haaaand!” Liam cackled and leaned into him, rubbing it on Sam’s nose.

If it were possible to die of humiliation, at least for Sam so far it hadn’t happened yet despite strong attempts on his part, he would have in that moment. He couldn’t even make his laugh known in the moment though, his mouth was far too full of cotton and hard flesh.

“I thought you’d like the joke.” Liam forced his joy down to a small chuckle. “Little turnabout, yeah?”

Leaning back, face hot and body still somehow aroused, Sam shook his head and made a small incredulous sound. “I can’t believe I still want to have sex with you.”

“I think deep down you want to have sex with me more.” Liam murmured, gently stroking his fingers through Sam’s hair before raking his nails there gently. “It was pretty hot when you pulled my hair. You should do that more.”

“Don’t change the subject…” Sam said, not even realizing he was reaching up and tugging down the offending shorts until Liam’s hardness brushed his chin.

“I’m the one changing the subject?” Liam teased, drawing in a hitch of breath when Sam bent his head slightly to nuzzle at the push of his arousal. Sam was intimidated; he’d never admit it but he could definitely see why a penis had a reputation for being a little daunting.

“Just looking.” Sam answered honestly, daring to press a small kiss on prickly shaved skin where Liam’s sac had drawn up tight. “It’s a nice dick.”

“You’ve seen it before.” Liam murmured, turning just enough to brush the base against Sam’s lips.

“Not like this.” He hadn’t been so close, and with the context of knowing he could be so close. Curious, he followed Liam’s thigh with his fingertips and then leaned back to watch Liam’s body respond as he stroked them over the length of his cock. “Can I touch you like this?”

“Of course. Sam. You can touch me however you want.” Liam returned to gently scratching Sam’s scalp, encouraging the touch with small intakes of breath as Sam continued to explore the veins along the shaft. “Just let me know when you want to see my party trick.”

“Party trick?” Sam remembered as soon as he said it. “Oh. Fuck. Yes. I want that.”

“Thought so.” Liam sighed as he pulled away from the touch. “I’ll get comfortable if you get the stuff?”

Sam nodded, probably a little too eagerly. It didn’t matter, things were weird but also good and weird and pretty much everything he’d hoped for. He leaned and then crawled off the edge of the bed as it dipped and shifted under Liam’s weight. Finding it was no problem, however the image laying before him when he turned back was a really big problem.

A problem of the  _ do I want to kiss you to make sure I haven’t died _ sort.

Liam had taken the moment to scramble up with his shoulders on the pillows. Thighs spread open, he’d planted both feet flat on the mattress and was already stroking his cock with a deliberate slowness.

“Fucking… fuck.” Sam stared, slack jawed and just a little bit in awe of how  _ casual _ Liam looked palming his balls and moving them aside to stroke those strong fingers straight down to the crack of his ass.

Liam grinned, wide and wicked, and parted himself open with two fingers to give a clear view of  _ everything _ . “Lay on your belly, you deserve a front row seat.”

“Wow…” Sam swallowed a sudden lump in his throat, still nodding dumbly. “Okay. Okay. This is real. This is happening.”

“You want to start?” Liam offered and Sam froze in place, wriggling on his belly up to Liam’s toes.

“I-I…” Sam stammered, and shook his head, peeking over the rise of Liam’s belly to make eye contact.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to. Let me.” Liam’s spread cheeks closed as he reached, wrapping his hand around the large nozzle of the pump bottle. “Okay, that’s enough lube to host three, maybe four orgies.”

“How many pumps?”

“Start with one. We can go from there.”

Sam responded with only the loud priming clicks and then a comical blurp of thick gel that slid into Liam’s palm. Liam didn’t giggle, so Sam repressed his own in favor of watching his every move.

It definitely wasn’t the first time. Liam spread himself again but with a determined grace, swiping his last two fingers along the split as his first two found their way to his puckered hole without trying. 

“Two fingers? To start?”

Liam chuckled and pressed down, sliding the gel down his fingers before intently rubbing over the tender flesh. “Mmmhmm.” He groaned as the fingertips opened himself with little resistance. “Confession time, I may have practiced last night.”

“I thought about jerking off at least five times today.” Sam admitted. “I don’t know why I said that, just thought I should share.”

“Mmm.” Liam’s fingers slid in to the first knuckle and he slowly turned them side to side. “I like sharing.”

“God this is amazing.” Sam whispered and leaned against the large lube bottle to brush a kiss on Liam’s inner thigh. “Don’t stop.”

“Wasn’t planning on it.” Liam groaned again, then withdrew his fingers only to push them in down to the second knuckle. “Fuck that’s my favorite part.”

“Being penetrated?” Sam asked, piecing together the act and what Liam was  _ very clearly _ getting from it.

“Mmmhmm.” Liam whimpered and pushed up a little on the balls of his feet, straining only a moment as his cock twitched against his belly. “That, yeah. And knowing that you’re watching and I’m doing it for you to see.”

Sam kissed him again, a little higher up. “Didn’t know you were such a slut.” He murmured appreciatively, sighing when Liam’s hand stilled for a long moment.

“For you?” Liam’s hand jerked then, pulling out and then plunging his fingers as deep as he could. “Yeah.”

“Christ…” Sam breathed, his body pounding in time to the slow thrusts as Liam fingered himself. There was no hint of shame, no hesitation or fretting, only the unabashed moan that filled the room with each wet thrust.

“More.” Liam groaned and opened his palm to accept another large dollop of lube sliding down his fingers, coating them fully. “Stretching now.”

“Stretching?” Sam asked, already well aware of what Liam meant even before the third finger wormed its way in, pushing a little deeper with each slow thrust. “Oh God… Liam…”

“Keep talking.” Liam panted, a wet smear wiping across his belly when he pushed into himself again. “I need to hold back.”

“You can come like this?”

A low whimper closed off Liam’s voice and Sam glanced up to see him nodding emphatically against the headboard. 

“Hold back.” He said firmly. “Don’t you dare.”

“Yes…” Liam whimpered, filling himself three fingers wide with one last slick push. “God. Yes.”

“Don’t you dare stop there.” Sam embraced the role for what it seemed to mean, encouraging whatever was happening to the best of his ability. “Show me, Liam.” He pushed the bottle aside and gripped Liam’s taut thigh with one arm, examining where pink skin had gone red and slicked with wetness. He still looked tight, even as he began to slowly work his fingers in jerky short thrusts. “There you go… fuck your ass for me.

In any other moment, it would have felt inauthentic and stupid. In the heat of it, watching Liam’s hand tremble before thrusting just a little harder, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

“Sammy…” Liam grimaced, but beyond that was the deep flush of aroused skin and the glossy need in his eyes when they caught each other looking. “Good, yeah?”

“So good…” Sam echoed. “You’re doing amazing… it’s… amazing.”

Liam let out a shaking whimper of a sigh and he nodded, closing his eyes against the sensation. Sam looked back down to see his fingers spreading wide open and stretching, folding and curving inward. “Your prostate?” Sam asked and Liam nodded again, banging his head against the heavy board but not stopping. “Take it.” Sam hissed and then reached with his other hand, knocking aside the grip Liam had on his package to enhance the view and then wrapping his hand tight at the base of Liam’s cock. “Spread yourself open for me.”

The high pitched gasp was all the confirmation Sam needed that he was pushing just the right buttons. Liam did as he was told, using his freed hand to open his cheeks even wider, allowing Sam to see the lube dripping out of him as he began to thrust in earnest. “Close…” Liam moaned, opening his legs wider. “God I’m ready.”

“That’s a good slut…” Sam murmured, raking his teeth along Liam’s inner thigh to elicit another gasp. “Now. Show me how much you want that to be me.”

As though shocked with a jolt of electricity, Liam’s hips bucked and he bore down hard against his own thrusts, jabbing deep and fast with sudden intensity and need. The last finger held far less grace than any before, simply forced inside his stretched opening in one quick smack against his skin.

“Yes!” Sam growled, taken by the sheer grit of Liam’s resolve. Liam cried out, hints of pain in the rumbling yowl of pleasure. “More, Liam. Fuck those fucking fingers.”

“Uh huh!” Liam panted faster then, dragging ragged breaths. “Sam. Fuck. Sam.” He dropped the wide spread holding himself open and grabbed for Sam’s shoulder. “Now. Please. Now.”

It was unexpected, confusing, and ultimately  _ very _ arousing to just be told it was time. “Right!” He considered his position, and then muttered under his breath: “Fuck it.”

Shaking, worried and unsure but more than willing to try, Sam waited until those fingers withdrew to slide up on his knees until they met the back of Liam’s thighs and bent him just a little at the middle. “Like this?”

Liam nodded, still grasping with the hand not actively searching for the towel neither of them had remembered to grab. “Please. Want to see you.”

It was Sam’s turn to nod far too much as he positioned the head of his cock with one hand and braced himself near Liam’s middle with the other. Missionary, standard, something familiar and yet not at all what he was used to. Still certain of himself, Sam filled him in one easy stroke, sliding along the unexpected heat until he hilted with a shared moan. Liam’s face contorted, mouth open wide in a prolonged gasp and eyes staring right at him. 

“I’m here.” Sam groaned, head swimming just a little as he began to move his hips. At first there had been no resistance between the abundance of lube and stretching, then all at once strong muscles clamped down around him and held him tight. “God you’re still tight…”

“You-” Liam murmured in a sleepy purr as Sam pushed back against him, bringing them eye to eye and kissing those lazy lips. Breaking away, he managed a weak: “I love you.”

He couldn’t not kiss Liam again, not when waves of pleasure tingled from his core outward with each tentative thrust. It took several moments to find a gentle rhythm, letting their bodies sort out the details as they moved together. It wasn’t just sex. The idea made sense, sure, of course it wouldn’t be simple sex for them. Not after so long, not after waiting and testing the waters for ages.

It was making love, solidifying whatever their  _ thing _ was and codifying it in the language of kinesthetics.

Liam buried his face in Sam’s neck, rubbing it against his stubble, and sobbed. “Am I hurting you?” Sam panted, trying not to notice the way that Liam trembled in his arms. Liam shook his head, and then Sam felt the familiar caress of eager kisses there. Good. Everything was good.

He let himself speed up, the slow waves of pleasure going tidal when Liam matched his every move. Strong legs wrapped around his waist and pulled him in even closer until it was the very picture of not being able to tell where he actually ended and Liam began save for the wet spread of sticky fluid between their rubbing bellies. 

“God… did you just?”

“Uh huh…” Liam sobbed again, gripping even tighter to Sam’s shoulder, clinging to him. “Sorry.”

“No.” Sam whispered and rubbed against him until Liam’s face turned to meet his lips. “Don’t ever be sorry. You’re everything.” He meant it, not that he didn’t mean most of the things he said, it just felt deeper saying it in the moment. It meant more when Liam squeezed him full bodied and choked on his name.

“I should pull out…” He managed to restrain himself that much despite Liam’s legs holding him firm. “Very…  _ very _ …”

“No.” Liam cried out louder, teeth suddenly sinking into Sam’s shoulder. Okay, that was definitely a thing he didn’t want to know he was into, but there it was. “Don’t stop.”

Sam moaned from his very core and grasped at Liam’s hair from behind - taking a fist of short strands and pulling until Liam went rigid in his embrace. “I’ll stop when I’m done with you.” The words rolled off Sam’s tongue and he almost didn’t know who he was in that moment. It was just… easy. “You want it inside, don’t you?”

Liam gave a single short nod, gasping when Sam thrust deep and hard against him. “Please? Sammy? Please?”

It was the sort of request he couldn’t deny, not in the best of times and certainly not with Liam clinging to him completely undone. Instead, Sam caught his mouth again and kissed him deeply, tasting the salt and need on his tongue as his hips took control of the situation. He would be okay, they would be okay… great even.

With another shared moan, Sam let himself tumble over the edge. His hips jerked and then allowed the pressure of Liam’s strong legs to hold him joined there as his cock twitched and spilled deep inside him.

Then shaking, overcome with  _ everything _ , Sam pressed his forehead to Liam’s and gasped for breath. “I love you.” He murmured tenderly. “So much. Liam, so so much.”

“I know.” Liam cooed, still clinging tight. “Just hold me, yeah? Just a little longer.”

Sam nodded against his cheek, his weight lowering across the solidness of Liam’s hips. “Okay. Anything.”

“Promise this isn’t a dream?” Liam laughed dryly, and then kissed his cheek. “You’ll still be here in a minute? An hour? The morning?”

“Always.” Sam answered without even thinking. “Promise.”


End file.
